Ain’t being an adult grand?

Things that are good with capers…..arewelcome even better without them.
I’ve always had this aversion to these little balls of tangy confusion. I don’t see why they are placed atop anything let alone tuna tartar, chicken, or my beloved salmon.  I don’t know if they grow on a tree, a bush, or if they’re pulled out of the ground like peanuts. Nor do I care. Bottom line, I don’t have to eat them or even like them.That’s one of the medals I’ve earned in my ranking as an adult. I can eat what I want! And while I’m at it, I can skip dinner altogether and eat a whole bag of Kettle chips with red wine while in my underwear watching Friends reruns or Duck Dynasty. (Hey Si! You’re the bomb!) I can keep all those bitchin’ clothes in my closet that I should have tossed (we had so much fun in the ’80’s didn’t we?) It’s all so liberating being an adult! Notice I did NOT say “grown up”.

To be grown up, we give up. We give up a lot of things. To be an adult, we gain things. Like freedom. Our perspective is different even when our responsibilities are the same. We can pull out the child in ourselves. We have that thing that lots of grown ups gave up: a sense of humor. It’s a survival tool to use when all else is fails. Throw up your hands. Laugh! Make fun of it! It won’t change a damn thing, trust me, but magically you’ll feel better. Grown ups get ulcers.

Remember those HUGE one-year birthday parties we had for our children? They weren’t for them. They don’t remember them! They were for us to show the world that we were all ‘grown up’ and somehow managed to feed them, keep them alive and healthy, and given all the obstacles, we made it a whole year! We were adults in disguise.

And now?

Here are just a few things that we get to enjoy with our “Got Out of Childhood Almost Unscathed while Attempting to be Adults” membership card:

Cancel appts
Hell, you don’t even have to make them! (Dentist? Every year, every other?)
Get to drive!
Play MY music as loud as I want!
Have sex
Go to bed late (see TV schedule below)
Drink wine
Have more sex
Buy stupid stuff and no one can tell you “no way!” Because it’s your money!
(That you’ve just blown on stupid stuff)
Don’t clean your room today!
Watch anything you want on TV whenever you want for as long as we want (yeh, watch out 10:30! I think I can see you tonight!)
Sleep late! (Ha! Who am I kidding)
Wear high heels (guys?)
Don’t brush your hair
Have an opinion and USE it!
Say bad words just ’cause it’s so much f—ing fun!
Have sex
Say ‘No’ and mean it with no explanation
Say ‘Yes’ and mean it with no explanation
See a movie in the middle of the day with no explanation
Procrastinate!
Weed out those people who piss you off or who are just plain crazy or stupid!
Read trashy novels
Write trashy novels!
Stay as long as you want
Leave whenever you want
Decorate any way you want
Wear whatever you want
Eat Reese’s peanut butter cups (oh how I love them) until the bag is empty. Then open a second one!
Stay out late because you have no curfew!
Hire a babysitter so you can stay out late!
No Homework
No Capers

Ooh, I must throw out one small caveat: children and partners can hinder some of the above. Make your decisions wisely:)

Yes, yes, yes. There are the notsofun things like jobs, bills, aches, laundry, grocery shopping, divorce, marriage, and a plethora of things that only life and age can drop on our doorstep. So, today, do one thing on the list. Or two or three! Make your own list. Step out of the ‘grown up’ box. Do your best to stay up until 10:30! Feel liberated! Watch a really bad movie and laugh at it. Way too many cynics in the world. Don’t be pulled in.

I’m going to go bake salmon right now with butter and lemon, just the way I like it.  Join me?

Tammy

“As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts.”
― David Sedaris, Let’s Explore Diabetes with Owls

“Magda looks at me as if I’ve gone mad. Or I’ve grown up. It’s kind of the same thing.”                                               ― Victoria Schwab, The Near Witch

“I wondered if that was true: if they were all really children wrapped up in adult bodies, like children’s books hidden in the middle of dull, long adult books, the kind with no pictures or conversations.”                                     ― Neil Gaiman, The Ocean at the End of the Lane

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